What Does Queer Mean To You?

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An exploration of its etymology and definition throughout time

Growing up, I’d perceived “queer” as a slur until I found myself in LGBTQ+ circles online and became an “ally”. This was all before I realised I was gay when I was 14; classic, amiright? The ally to gay af pipeline thing, I mean, not the queer as a slur thing. I remember feeling a drop in my stomach when I first said it aloud, like how I felt when I first said “fuck” (morality OCD, such a gorgeous trait). It took a while to learn it was a good word, an inclusive word. And now? I love it, it’s quicker than “lesbian” (three whole syllables, who has time for that?), and works well both as an independent identity and for people still figuring out their exact label. 

 

Thankfully for me, “lesbian” has never felt like a dirty word, but I know many sapphics struggle to say it at first. And I know labels don’t work for everyone, but I cannot describe how proud and happy I am to be a capital L Lesbian; to have a word and a history that excites me. Speaking of antiquity, gays & ancient Greece go hand in hand, and I am OBSESSED with how this is shown through some of our labels: sapphic from Sappho, lesbian from Sappho’s home island of Lesbos, and achillean from Achilles and his boyfriend Patroclus (I still have not read Song of Achilles btw, please don’t blow up my spot). Sidenote, I am also obsessed with the sapphic and achillean flags: the fact that there is a flower so historically and culturally tied to both girls loving girls and boys loving boys is so unbelievably gnarly to me. 


ID: a pride march  in the bottom right to bottom left of the image with a convertible with people leaning out leading the procession.  a grid of glitter pride flags makes up the entire background. Credit: Rebecca Tozer

 

In my research, I learned that the word “queer” itself originated from the Irish Gaelic “cuar” meaning crooked or awry. Additionally, it was seen in Scottish Gaelic in a “flyting” poem (basically rap battles in the 1500s), where the term was first used as a personal adjective, written as “quair” or “queer” (“And cry out, 'Hey, here comes our own queer clerk!’”[1]). According to the article I read, Irish sailors then took it to England where it is said to have been incorporated into English language during the Renaissance period.  So yes, pirates are the first confirmed gays and that is a fact.[2] After that, “queer” was first recorded as a word to describe homosexuality in 1922 America, then fifteen years later that definition was spotted in British English. One hundred years on and the term is still integral to our culture.

 

Recently, I’ve seen a handful of creators online talking about the difference between queer people and LGBTQ+ people. These videos examined the distinguishing traits between someone who is gay or bi or lesbian or pan or asexual etc., versus a gay or bi or lesbian or pan or asexual etc., person who involves themself in queer community, culture, supports other queer people, and fights just as valiantly for others’ LGBTQIA+ rights as well. A person who is aware of our queer history and whose queer activism is not exclusive to their own sexuality. Horace Gold, whom I first saw talking about this on his YouTube channel, says that “queerness is a choice… but being LGBTQ+ is not.”[3] It’s the decision to be a part of “our diverse and expansive and beautiful community”. This gay but not queer phenomenon is seen in overt displays of internalised homophobia, trans-exclusionism, and ace/arophobia, just to name a few examples. Gold further emphasises that “the queer community does not look like one thing” and talks of de-centring cisgender homosexual men within queerness as an expansive concept, as well as the importance of (particularly) cis gay men having empathy and advocating for the trans community. Another TikTok I saw by @tillietheclown talked of the inherent differences between gay and queer spaces, noting that groups of primarily white cis gay men rarely foster true inclusive community and would often be dismissive about Tillie’s exploration of gender outside the group’s ideals of conformity[4]. Likewise, speaking on the differences between these two communal spaces, @theewildwoman said that “for me, being queer is more about your identity and how you express yourself… being queer speaks more to your freedom to exist outside of the norm”[5], which I personally really aligned with. 

 

In Horace Gold’s comment section, a user mentioned a quote from activist and writer bell hooks: “queer as not being about who you’re having sex with — that can be a dimension of it — but queer as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live.”[6] I adore this phrasing! And, as with the grand majority of queer culture and vernacular, bell hooks, a Black woman was one of the first and most prominent voices in defining this concept of a divide between queer and gay community. Furthermore, I think specifically in today’s political environment, inventing and creating inclusive spaces for others within our community, as well as for ourselves, is as important as ever.

 

Given the rise in conservatism and transphobic legislation, in the US and the UK especially, being queer as well as gay is even more important. Personally, I can’t think of anything more diabolical than a transphobic gay person or an ableist gay person or a racist gay person, for a few examples. Our struggles as minorities intertwine; if you do not fight for others as you would want them to fight for your faction of homosexual rights, get the fuck out of our community. True queer community is intersectional, inclusive, de-centres old-fashioned and reductive stereotypes, and welcomes nuanced perspective and debate.  Too often in my lifetime I have heard LGBTQ+ people say, “I’m gay, but not THAT gay”. Queer identity and presentation exists on a sort of endless spectrum, with judgement coming from both extremes (and perhaps more strongly from the straight-passing side). Infighting about what is “acceptable” within our depressingly heteronormative society is pointless and stupid. Protect the dolls means protect the clocky dolls as well! Nothing is “THAT gay” when queer presentation is legit anything and everything and being ashamed or embarrassed or hateful to someone else because of how they present or act (when that action or presentation is not harmful) is despicable and counterproductive to uniting queer individuals. Our queer elders fought tooth and nail, blood, sweat, and tears, for our right to present however gaily we want, and putting someone down for acting or looking “too gay” in this heteronormative society is just plain ugly behaviour. 


Now, more than ever, queer needs to remain a part of LGBTQIA dialogue, and exist permanently as a positive term. Hating on those who exist and present outside bullshit expectations, when being queer inherently concerns dismantling societal constructions, is not conducive to our fight to maintain our rights, let alone attain greater equality. And if you don’t know anything about queer history, that’s a-okay, as long as you are ready and willing to learn; let’s protect our history, our representation, and each and every queer individual. 


Go be a queer diva and stand tf up.

xoxo, Rebecca



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